When it comes down to self-care for a single mom, social media and media, in general, like to say: ask for help. While asking for help and receiving it when you need it is very important for self-care and overall wellness, not everyone has the luxury to do so. That’s exactly what my situation was when I was several months pregnant, abandoned by my now ex-husband. When we got married, I left everything behind and moved to a foreign country to build a new family. When my baby was born, I had to go back to work, so I had no other option but to master the art of juggling many different things at the same time without losing my sanity.
In this post, I would like to share with you my self-care strategies for a single mom. They may not be for everyone and that’s ok. But, I guess, one thing I want you to remember is that you absolutely don’t need to have it all figured out. You can learn and grow as you go as a single mom. This journey can feel lonely, but you are not alone.
Prioritize sleep
You have probably seen this advice many times: sleep when your baby is sleeping. However, I am absolutely not a day sleeper, and when I started work, napping during the day was not an option.
Of course, it depends on your baby’s schedule, but when you are tired and your baby is sleeping, go to sleep. My baby has been a good night sleeper so far, so I would always just go to bed early (think 8 p.m.). It doesn’t sound fun for many, but for me, this stage of parenthood is not only about survival but also about keeping my sanity and health. Fun can wait!
Also, I noticed that when I am sleep deprived, I see my situation worse than it is. It’s been a thing ever since I was pregnant: I woke up in the morning thinking that it’s all not that bad and I am ready to move on, but by the end of the day I found myself sad and unwilling to move on. When you start feeling like that: go to sleep!
Learn to prioritize tasks
You don’t need me to tell you that your to-do list as a single parent is pretty long, much longer than of those who parent together. Well, you are in a situation where you will have to learn to see what tasks are important to do now and what can actually wait. It is not as easy as it sounds if you are a control freak, like me. This process will require learning some new skills like letting go and acceptance. There are days you will probably feel upset about not getting things done. Then you will just have to accept that there is only one you, and you can’t do absolutely everything.
Planning is hard with babies, but some planning and routines will help you navigate this space. One most important task will always be there, and it is taking care of your baby. Then add one more task, for example, cleaning. Say, today you are going to focus on cleaning (obviously, besides taking care of the baby). Don’t forget about yourself! Whether it’s taking a shower, skincare, or quick stretching, choose something you can squeeze into your day. Now, let’s be realistic, it’s not going to be a long bath with a book or a full yoga session. Don’t get discouraged. Do what you can!
Be strategic with time as a single mom
This tip kind of goes with the previous one but I would like you to tune in with yourself and answer the question: when do you feel most productive? We have already established, that when we are tired, it’s better to just go to sleep. Trying to get more things done when you are exhausted is never a good idea. I can get a lot done in the morning when I wake up. I get up at 5 a.m. every work day and on weekends, it varies. On weekends, when/if my baby naps, I can get more things done. In fact, I try to do as many things as I can, so I can have some extra time for self-care during the week. When I come back home after work, I simply don’t want to do anything, besides taking a shower and going to bed. That’s my self-care!
Now, there will be weekends, when you won’t want to do anything and that’s ok. Being productive is not always an option. On those days I let myself lay down and watch YouTube for longer (obviously while watching my baby). Of course, then I will have to do more during the week and it is going to be harder, but taking what you really need today and now is important. If you don’t listen to yourself, you are risking ending up burned out or even sick. And, guess what, you don’t have time for that.:)
Meal prep
Meal prep is time-consuming but at the same time, it will give you extra time when you need it the most, after work! Again, do it only if you have energy on weekends. My meal prep day is typically Sunday. I don’t do anything crazy: cook some protein and rice or quinoa to go with it, wash fruit and veggies. There is no time for cooking delicious meals in my day so I have embraced simplicity. However, I do try to eat as healthy as I can as it’s important for both my health and my baby.
Sometimes I don’t want to do meal prep on Sunday. Then I just have to cook after work, there is no way around it. For me, it’s all about trying to help my future self. Of course, doing things on weekend isn’t easy but it’s harder to do them after work. So I give myself permission to rest if I need to but for the most part, I try to get up and prepare.
Enjoy simple moments, do things you love with your baby/child
Enjoying my coffee is sacred to me. It was kind of my main thing when my baby was born. My self-care consisted of a morning shower and coffee because that’s when baby used to nap. I like to be mindful of those moments in my day when I can simply sit down and do nothing. For someone, there is nothing special in things like coffee or skincare but for me, it’s everything. These are the things that I do for ME.
When you are a single mom, you just don’t have all that time you used to have to do things you once enjoyed. However, you can still do some of them with your baby. That’s how I do my cooking.
I used to love to cook. There’s something therapeutic about it that I enjoy. With the newborn, I wasn’t able to cook at all. But with time I started to gain more confidence and actually do tasks despite my baby playing in the background. Same with exercise, my baby likes to look at me when I workout and even sometimes tries to copy me. Of course, it doesn’t last long, but it’s something.
Think about something you can do with your baby. Try to be creative.
Don’t compare
Very often social media presents motherhood as something easy. There are many presumably happy couples showing how happy they are with their families. And here we are, single moms!
Even though single parenthood is much more common than it used to be, it’s still not something many people talk about. Or there are single parents who are celebrities, for whom parenthood is obviously easier because of the monetary aspect and ability to get help.
Don’t fall into the trap of comparison. Maybe you are in a situation not many people want to be in, but you are not alone. There are a whole bunch of single moms out there who are doing a great job but don’t have time to share it online. Everyone is different and what you see on social media is not a reality. It’s simply not the full picture. Everyone struggles. Don’t think it’s only you. For me, avoiding comparison and realizing that my situation is unique, therefore I am coping with it differently is a form of self-care.
Maybe it’s hard for you to enjoy motherhood as a single mom. It’s understandable. It is incredibly hard, especially when you are thrown into it unexpectedly. But remember, you are doing an important and very rewarding job of raising a human. It won’t last forever. Sometimes it seems like it does. One day we will look back, look at our grown kids, and will be proud of ourselves.
~ Anonimous single mom for Married To Navy Counseling Services
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