Y’all, mom guilt is a real phenomenon. It is that pervasive feeling of not being good enough or doing things wrong that can literally make your life as a mother a nightmare. How do you cope? There are no right answers as everyone copes differently. Here are some examples of what helps me as a mom and a therapist.
Change your self-talk to fight mom guilt
Do you criticize yourself a lot? Try to give yourself some grace. Acknowledge what you did right instead of wrong. In therapy, we teach clients to avoid black and white thinking, as well as labeling. Telling yourself something like “I am a bad mom” or “I always fail” is unproductive. Use neutral or even positive language instead. For example, “I know I didn’t perform my best today, I will do better tomorrow”. Guilt should be used as a guide, not a weapon.
Remember, that for your child you are the best!
There are no perfect perfect people, nor perfect relationships. But the mom-child bond is truly unbreakable. Children need to feel loved, seen and heard. Be sure to give them that, not a perfect life. When they go to the “real world” they will have to face hardships and disappointments, but that feeling of safety instilled by their parents will help them overcome anything.
Not all days will be the same
Some days will be good, and some not so good. Accept that feelings of inadequacy are an inevitable part of life. Don’t try to suppress them, but use them as a guide instead. Using positive self-talk gently ask yourself: what areas of my motherhood can be improved, and what should be accepted. Learn to appreciate good days and take bad days as a lesson.
Remember, you are a human too
Remember, you are a human too, and deserve care and support. Try not to neglect yourself. The more stressed and tired you are, the easier it is to fall into self-blame and guilt. Because you will simply not perform your best. Recognize that your basic needs should be met in order for you to feel well emotionally. If you are not meeting them, show yourself more compassion.
One of the most important tools for me is having my morning and night routines. Routines help me make sure that I take time for myself and meet my needs first before I cater to anyone else. Now, getting here is a process. Taking time for yourself may involve guilt at first, but overcoming it and sticking to the plan is essential for our own and our children’s well-being.
Drop the super mother image to help with mom guilt
Knowing your limitations and having lower expectations is crucial for coping with guilt. Of course, a little bit of guilt is OK and can even be important for growth. But experiencing a paralyzing sense of guilt is not helpful. After all, we are only humans. Moms are still humans who have needs, who get tired, who cry and get frustrated. Having responsibility for another human doesn’t necessarily make you less vulnerable.
If your guilt is too much for you to handle, try therapy. Sometimes it’s our unresolved traumas that stand in the way of our parenting. No judgment here.
Did you learn something from this post? Share below. As always, spread the word by sharing this message with anyone who needs it at this time.
~ Tren
To schedule an appointment with Dr. Trenye Black, click here.
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